Grief Support Library: A Light at the End of the Tunnel

by Mollyjak

At 19 years of age, my son and his high school sweetheart were married, without approval of their parents, which for my son was the first in a series of bad decisions. It didn't take long for him to realize that they were not prepared for the adult pressures of married life, and he responded to their situation with severe depression and alcohol abuse. They separated after a couple of years of an unhappy, unstable relationship and deep financial debt.

With a failed marriage and a sense of despair in ever getting back on his feet again, his depression intensified and eventually led to a suicide attempt by placing a shotgun under his chin. Fortunately, he lost in his attempt to end his life, but in the process, lost his mid-face, leaving a fist-sized cavity from the top of his nose to his lower lip. As the gun fired, it kicked forward, resulting in loss of his nose and mouth.

As he lay dying, he had a near-death experience, where he saw an intense bright light shining directly over him, engulfing him, and then a woman with long dark hair standing in the light. He tried to call out to her to help him and suddenly realized that he was lying in her lap, where he felt peaceful and calm, with no pain or fear. He still has that peaceful feeling when he recalls the experience. The next thing he remembers is floating over the neighborhood, where he watched the paramedics working to save his life. He saw police cars with their lights flashing and an ambulance out in the street. Neighbors were coming out of their houses in their night clothes to see what the commotion was all about. He described the scene just the way it was described to me later.

There was blood and tissue covering his face. One eye had been knocked out of its socket and the other eye was slightly displaced. It would have been physically impossible for him to see anything at all.

Months later, we saw pictures taken by the paramedics at the scene. I was hesitant about showing them to him, but he told me he already knew what they looked like from his near-death experience. He went on to describe the pictures to me exactly...the quilt that covered him from his waist down, all the blood, and the position that his body was lying in. He doesn't like to think of it as a near-death experience because he doesn't understand why something like that would happen to him, just an ordinary person. In time, maybe he will think differently.

As his mother, it gave me great comfort to know that this divine spirit was with him, to calm him and give him peace at a timne he was at a crossroad, when he must have been experiencing tremendous emotional and physical pain. I hope the idea that a beautiful spirit is with us to help us cross-over will give comfort to those who are left to grieve for a loved-one, to know that they were not alone.

Today, my son has undergone many reconstructive facial surgeries, and has accepted the fact that he will never look the same as he did before. When he first awoke in the hospital, his depression was nearly gone, though he did have some work still left to do. But thankfully, the emotions that brought him to the point of suicide were a vague memory. And he was finally able to seen through the fog of depression and respond to the family and friends that had supported him throughout, and who had been waiting patiently for him. Since leaving the hospital, even with all the pain and emotions that he has endured resulting from his injury and the reality of his injury, he was never placed on any antidepressant or anxiety medications. And ever since, he has seemed to draw in good experiences and good people. We attrribute this to his spiritual experience.

He now has re-married a wonderful woman who we believe also was a gift from God, who has stood by his side throughout all of his ordeal. He has found a happy and fulfilling life that gets better for him every day. We have found that there can be a happy ending to even the most tragic stories.